I figured it was time to rewrite my bio when I was so sick of reading it, it made me want to, quick, run to the john and stick a finger down my throat.

So who am I? In my old bio, I said "I consider myself a mosaic. I am a mother, a wife, a painter of words, a lover of nature, a follower of Jesus, a scientist, a seeker of peace."

Like I said, barf.

I don't know who I am, but I know what I wanna do, oh yeah. I have plans to write a multimillion-selling, Pulitzer-prize-winning book, oh, and I also gotta simultaneously win the Nobel-prize -- and that would be in both science and peace -- and OK, listen, I really don't have delusions of grandeur.

So I write. I'm a writer. Yep. But it's not so other-worldly as it sometimes sounds. Au contraire, you start out thinking, OK in five years I'll be making a pretty penny and I'll travel round the world digging up dino bones and taking pictures of gorillas picking their noses.

Yeah right.

The real way it works, is you pour your blood, sweat, and Starbuck's coffee stains into your work and you do it. You make it. You see your name in print on the cover of a glossy magazine. You can walk into Barnes & Noble bookstores and pick it up and show it around to everyone and say, "Look, that's my name there! In print! My article!"

And no one gives a doodly. Your friends quickly lose their enthusiasm after, say, about 5 seconds. You yearn for the masses to adore you, but the only person asking for your autograph is the sales clerk behind the Starbuck's counter wanting you to sign your credit card receipt.

And so you make a little pocket change, and hey, that's great your friends are meanwhile making ten times the amount you do at their 9-to-5. So much for dino bones and nose-picking gorilla photos.

I'm just a'waiting for my ship to come in.

I tell my students that the odds of their getting published and of it bringing them financial security, peace of mind, and even joy are probably not that great. Ruin, hysteria, unsightly tics, ugly financial problems, maybe; but probably not peace of mind...

... Anne LaMott in bird by bird: some instructions on writing and life

[Wendee's Non-Humorous Bio]